Gibbs vs Stones
by likecigar
Summary: All that coffee finally catches up to Gibbs A/N Long time reader, first time poster. Is this really where A/N go, cuz I've got some for this story and they don't all fit here.


A/N First-thank you very much for the reviews I have received so far. Next-I've made the formatting suggestions several of you have mentioned And last- another note about the story idea. I'd heard that drinking coffee can cause kidney stones. That would certainly make Gibbs a candidate. However, I did just a tiny bit of surfing on kidney stones and the coffee/stones connection was really mentioned. I kept going with the story, anyway, if only to keep an a myth alive. Oooh, oooh- and I need to send a special shout out of Thanks to 'medicgirl' for technical support on this story. Parts that aren't right are the fault of me and me alone.

Disclaimer-the usual.

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NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs had been sitting at his desk reviewing paperwork for two hours. His team of investigators had started straggling back into the squad room after the debriefing of their most recent case. The case had dragged on far too long with endless stakeouts, door to door interviews with various persons of interest, pounding the pavement looking for witnesses, fruitless interrogations consisting of suspects backstabbing one another with so many lies that even the suspects were confused about what happened. Ziva David, officially the _newest _member of the team had come close to blowing the operation twice during her undercover assignment as a waitress in a seedy bar. The first time she stopped herself just before displaying _too _many close combat skills when a bar patron got too friendly. The second time, Tony DiNozzo, Senior Field Agent on the team, had been monitoring the situation and realized a similar incident was building and rushed in to stop Ziva before she got started. Fortunately, they had gotten as much information as they could from that particular venue so Ziva was able to quit her night job.

As each team member returned from the debriefing and shuffled to their desk, they gave a perfunctory nod or subdued 'Hey, boss.' to Gibbs and then dropped into their chair and began working on their report. McGee was the first to return.

"If you've got any receipts, McGee, do them first." Gibbs said in response to McGee's greeting without looking up. Silently, McGee opened the file drawer on his desk and withdrew a manila folder. He opened it, took a few moments to check through the neatly arranged receipts and accompanying documents, then closed the file and took it to Gibbs.

"Here ya go, boss" he said flatly. Gibbs looked at the proffered folder then looked up at McGee as he accepted it. When Gibbs continued looking up at him with a mildly questioning look McGee said "I do my accounting as the case progresses."

"Good job, McGee." Gibbs responded quietly. McGee shuffle back to his desk.

Not long after McGee settled back at his desk, Ziva returned to her desk as well. Ziva gave a less than jubilant greeting as she rounded the cubicle wall to her desk and then let all of her gear drop to the floor but before she even sat down Gibbs said "If you've got any receipts, Ziva, do them first." Ziva walked to Gibbs desk and stood before it and waited for him to look up. Instead he held his hand up as if waiting for her folder of receipts. When none was forthcoming he finally looked up. Ziva immediately asked "Is it necessary that I return that waitress costume to whatever department it came from." "Why" was all the question Gibbs asked. "I would very much like to experience the joy of watching it burn." Ziva said. Although starting out her sentence with a very indifferent tone by the time she finished her teeth were clenched in near rage. By now, Gibbs was massaging his forehead. "First, your receipts Ziva." he said, waving her off. Ziva turned on her heel and returned to her desk.

Half an hour or so later, Tony exited the elevator. He had his daypack slung over one shoulder, in his other hand he held a cardboard takeaway tray containing three hot cups and one ice beverage. He was elated and walked with a bounce in his step.

"Yeah-a!" he almost shouted.

"Free at last, free at last." he said grinning broadly. He swung his pack off with a vehemence that belied his otherwise carefree attitude. The pack slammed into the filing cabinet before crashing to the floor at this desk. He examined his tray of beverages and selected the iced cup as he turned to Ziva.

"Berry Mango Badness, I believe is the lady's choice." He placed it on her desk and did a half pirouette and bounded towards McGee's desk. He selected another beverage, placed it on McGee's desk and said "One not _really_ gay grande triple pump half caf vanilla latte thingy for the best McNerd Special Agent in all of NCIS-ness." He did a snap-to military style turn to Gibbs' who had been watching this show with only a slightly bemused expression. He took one giant step to Gibbs desk and placed a cup saying "Coffee comma black comma, large comma extra coffee extra black, Sir, uh Boss" and did his best attempt to stand at attention for just a brief moment. Gibbs reached for the cup and gave a nodded 'Thank you' to Tony as he took a drink.

"Your receipts first, DiNozzo." Gibbs said just before Tony turned to go to his desk.

"ON IT, BOSS!" Tony replied exuberantly.

Ziva had been staring at Tony in disbelief since he stepped off the elevator. As he sat down he finally noticed her gaping at him.

"What?" he said, still grinning. Ziva continued to stare, started to form a question but couldn't seem to figure out where to begin.

"Let it go, Ziva. The alternative is worse." From her left she heard Gibbs say quietly.

"HEY!" said Tony, still not using his 'inside voice'

"This is my Pollyanna reaction to this major cluster we've all just experienced! I'm happy! I'm not just looking at the silver lining! I'm living it. The nightmare is ooovvveeeerrr, Zee-VAH!." Tony was verging on maniacal and looked at Ziva with a stare to match the look. He was aware that he was about to go to far and struggled to stay in control. He sat down heavily in his chair and grabbed his own coffee cup.

"For me, my not quite as really gay hazelnut coffee. . .sweet." He paused, realized he was in control again and said calmly

"Receipts, comin' up, Boss." And with that, he started digging through every drawer and file in and on his desk, his pack and the file cabinet next to his desk, retrieving all of the receipts he had accumulated during the case. He held up a particularly small piece of paper, squinted at it, then grinned as he recalled the expenditure.

"Hey, Boss? Can I get reimbursed for. . . ?" he started his question but Gibbs cut him off with a curt "No."

"How did you know . . .?"

"Because you ask every time, DiNozzo."

About twenty minutes later both Ziva and Tony took their receipt file to Gibbs. Gibbs accepted them both, opening Ziva's first. It wasn't quite as neat a McGee's but was fairly orderly. He placed it aside and opened Tony's file. Bits of paper wafted out of the folder.

"They _were_ all in order." Tony said defensively. "They're numbered!" he tried again.

Gibbs closed the folder and stacked it on top of Ziva's. He looked up at Tony and gave him a nod that said "Whatever. Get back to work." For the next hour, no one said much except to ask questions of one another about the case. Several times, Tony left saying something about checking a forensic detail with Abby or Ducky. Otherwise, all was quiet in the Team Gibbs squad room. Only Tony seemed to notice that Gibbs seemed to be troubled by something. During one of Tony's trips downstairs Gibbs closed his eyes and leaned back trying to work the out a kink developing in his lower back. Still stretching out the cramp, he opened his eyes to see DiNozzo standing in front of his desk. He sigh as he shifted forward on his chair and arched his back.

"Finished your report, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked and without looking up, held up his hand to receive the report. Tony had been watching his boss with a slightly puzzled look and was a little startled by the request.

"Uh, yeah. Here ya go" he said placing the report in the waiting hand. Gibbs dropped the report into the 'in' tray on his desk and was about to resume his own work but instead dropped his pen to the desk and leaned forward, placing one elbow on the desk and tried once again to stretch out those muscles.

"Are you OK, Boss?" Tony asked. Gibbs looked up, a little surprised to see Tony still standing there.

"Yeah, Tony. I'm fine. It's been a helluva week." As he said these last words Gibbs stood up.

"McGee. Ziva." he said getting the attention of the rest of the team.

"It's been a rough week. Everybody get out of here, now. The paper chase can wait until Monday. Take a real weekend for a change. Go on. Get!" Tony returned to his desk and started gathering his gear but was watching Gibbs out of the corner of his eye. McGee and Ziva had both stood and were also preparing to leave. Gibbs had placed both hands on his desk and again attempted to work out the nagging back pain. He removed one hand from the desk and tried massaging the knotted muscle then sat back down and resumed his paper shuffle, and tried to ignore the growing ache. McGee and Ziva sat back down and resumed their work. Tony retrieved his receipt folder from Gibbs' desk saying "I'll clean this up."

McGee and Ziva finished their reports and even though Gibbs appeared to show no indication that he was leaving soon, they couldn't find any reason to stay. They handed their files to Gibbs, said 'Goodnight' to Tony and left together. Tony acknowledged them with a quiet ' 'Night' as they passed his desk but he, too appeared to be there for the long haul. He kept making concerned glances at Gibbs and he became aware of how often Gibbs did some little stretching routine, a behavior Tony had never known Gibbs to display before. At one point, Gibbs pushed back from his desk and sat tensed in his chair, eyes closed and took several deep breaths. After a few moments, eyes still closed he asked softly "Tony. . Ducky still here?" Trying to keep the alarm he was feeling out of his expression and voice Tony replied "Uh, no, Boss. He, Abby and Palmer left a couple hours ago." He stood and slowly approached Gibbs desk. "Do you want me to call him? Or is these something _I_ can do?" "Yeah, I need a ride home." Gibbs said.

Half an hour later, Tony pulled up in front of Gibbs house. Under the pretense of needing to use the bathroom, Tony followed Gibbs to the house. He had noticed a sheen of perspiration on Gibbs face as they drove as well as a few other indicators that his boss was not well. Knowing Gibbs would not be forthcoming with any information or would dismiss whatever was bothering him, Tony had devised a plan to find out. As he headed toward the bathroom, he surreptitiously called Ducky. He felt bad having evidently woken Ducky but he nevertheless explained his situation as quickly as possible.

"Hey, Ducky. DiNozzo here" he whispered. "Listen, I've only got a few seconds here. Gibbs has been having some back pains since at least late this afternoon. It's been building, too. I just got him home. He's starting to sweat and he couldn't sit still in the car. The pain seems to be in his side now, his left side, I think." He stopped and listened to Ducky's assessment. After a few moments he said "Thanks, Ducky. Yeah, I'll do what I can" snapped his phone shut and left the bathroom.

As Tony opened the bathroom door, he was almost knocked down by Gibbs who pushed him out and slammed the door behind him. From where he stood in the hallway, Tony could hear Gibbs retching a time or two, then dry heaving. He went to the kitchen to see what Gibbs might have on hand to ease an upset stomach. Tony always liked to have a little fresh ginger to nibble on but he doubted Gibbs would have that but maybe some ginger ale or a flat cola. Finding nothing he thought would be of any good, Tony stood at the end of the hallway waiting for Gibbs to emerge. He was about to go and check when the bathroom door opened and Gibbs emerged looking flushed and exhausted.

"Gibbs? You OK?" Tony asked.

"Damned lunch hasn't been sitting right sit I ate. I'm good now, Tony. Thanks." Gibbs managed to look up at Tony and being as cavalier as he could said "Get out of here. Go on. We don't get many real weekends. Take it while you can." he said. He walked down the hall and herded Tony to the door.

"Yeah," Tony said flatly not at all believing what Gibbs was saying. "Ya know, Boss. Oh, I was thinking' maybe I could hang out here tonight." Tony said sounding sincerely disappointed that Gibbs wasn't going to let him stay.

"DiNozzo! I'm not interested in making a stupid bout of food poisoning a male bonding experience for you. Now, get the hell out of here." He said this time herding Tony _out_ the door. Tony tried to protest but Gibbs slammed the door in his face. Tony was acutely aware that Gibbs had had to marshal every ounce of reserve he had in him to muster the bravado he had just demonstrated to Tony. He was almost a normal Gibbs, but Tony wasn't buying it. He stood at the door, listening for a cue, all ready placing the call he knew he was going to have to make.

Gibbs had barely managed to keep it together as he ushered Tony out the door. He closed the door, turned, took two steps and dropped to his knees and doubled over crying out in agony. Instantly, Tony burst through the door, cell phone all ready at his ear.

"DAMN IT, GIBBS!" he chastised his boss who was rocking back and forth, pounding his head on the hardwood floor. Tony knelt next to him and grabbed his shoulder to stall the rocking. It was as much comfort as he could give at the moment.

"I need an ambulance! I've got an agent down. Kidney stones . . . or so I've heard." Tony hissed out the last part, leaning in close to Gibbs to let him know how pissed he was.

"NO!" Gibbs managed to gasp out. "No ambulance. It'll pass."

"Is there something I can do until you get here?" he said ignoring Gibbs' order. He scanned the area around him looking for, well, he didn't know what he was looking for. He just knew couldn't stand to see Gibbs suffering like this and Tony felt so totally helpless. Real wounds, something that was obviously damaged, broken, burned or bleeding, Tony could deal with that. He even had some idea on how to deal with emotional pain. He kinda like giving comfort in some situations. But this, this was out of his depth. There was no bone to splint, blood to stop or breathing to start. He was searching for a visual head slap that would wake him up to anything that he could do to relieve Gibbs' pain. He was still on the phone with the 911 operator. Gibbs continued knocking his head on the floor, despite Tony's effort to stop him. Gibbs paused occasionally, sitting back slightly only to lean forward again and resume pounding the floor. Tony was aware that the head bashing was getting more intense.

"OK, I'll try." he said in response to something he heard from the 911 operator. He fiddled with a few buttons on his phone then set in down. "Gibbs, come, Boss, on your side. Rollover onto your side. She said it would help." Tony kept talking to Gibbs as he convinced him to lay on his side.

"_Hello, Sir? Are you still there?" _Tony had placed the call on 'speaker'.

"Yeah, I'm here" Tony shouted at her. "Hang on. Hey, Boss. Come on." From outside, Tony heard the approaching sirens of the ambulance.

_"Sir, the EMTs should be with you in just a few moments". _

"No kidding." Tony snapped at her and watched out the front door willing the ambulance to be there. NOW! It worked. The ambulance pulled up and before the EMTs were even out of their rig Tony started yelling "GET IN HERE, GODDAMN, IT! I'VE GOT A MAN DOWN." As Tony wound up to deliver another tirade, he was aware of Gibbs hand gently slapping his leg.

"Tony. Help me up." Gibbs said weakly.

"What? NO! Gibbs, they're here now." he said to Gibbs, confused by his boss's request.

"TONY!" Gibbs barked then more quietly "Chair". The bark undeniably told Tony that despite his present circumstance Gibbs was still in control here. . .sort of. Tony jumped up and grabbed a chair from the dining area and placed it next to Gibbs. They struggled together a bit but managed to get Gibbs up and in the chair just as the EMTs stepped into the house.

In situations that _required_ him to be in control, even under duress, Tony DiNozzo was in his element. He was calm, cool, collected. He could rapidly assess situations and make rational decisions to optimize existing conditions in his favor. And Tony was doing just that, he was calm and cool. . .up until the EMTs set foot in the house. Now Tony was no longer in charge. Not only was Tony was no longer in charge, Tony was no longer in control. Gibbs needed real medical care and these guys were real medical caregivers. Tony was immediately in the face of one of the EMTs demanding he do something for his boss's pain. The EMT was used to dealing with _concerned_ family members and did his best to ease Tony's anxiety while actually trying to attend to the real patient, Gibbs. Somewhere in Tony's initial tirade, one of the EMTs caught the words 'kidney stones'. Their own physical examination of Gibbs, the few grunted responses they could get from him plus the clue Tony had dropped pretty much confirmed the kidney stones diagnosis. There wasn't much they could do for Gibbs except transport him to the hospital. Gibbs declined their offer. Tony suggest pain meds. . .loudly. Calling on all of their expertise, skill, knowledge and training , the EMTs tagged teamed one another. One tried to convince Gibbs to ride with them to the hospital explaining that once he was in their rig and on the road they could give him something for the pain. Tony, who was furious, argued that Gibbs was in too much pain to get _to_ the ambulance. The circular debating continued for several minutes with all parties switching partners occasionally and the volume steadily rising. At one point Tony was even yelling at Gibbs to just "please get into the f***ing ambulance" while the two EMTs were yelling at one another about how much they were willing to bend the rules. Those last two pairings lasted less than a minute when everyone realized how ridiculously futile _those_ debates were. Everyone retreated to neutral corners but Tony couldn't let it go and he followed the EMTs as they began to gather their gear. He was livid, outraged at how they could just walk away from someone is such obvious agony. When he realized the EMTs were _actually going to leave _without administering any aid, Tony actually put his hand on Sig.

"No need for that, Anthony?" said Ducky quietly entering the house from behind Tony and lightly patting the hand hovering over the gun. Tony spun around and stared at Ducky with a surprised expression. Ducky looked him in the eye then glanced at the Sig, Tony's hand still ready to draw the weapon.

"Ducky!" Tony immediately grabbed him and directed him to Gibbs. Ducky approached Gibbs.

"Stones?" he asked just to confirm his earlier diagnosis. Gibbs could only nod. Ducky then turned to the EMTs and requested an alcohol swab. The EMTs hesitated for only as long as it took to shoot a glance at Tony's still holstered weapon. They gave Ducky the swab and stood back as Ducky produced a loaded syringe from his jacket.

"It's them" he said indicating the EMTs "or this?" he asked showing Gibbs the needle.

"aaaarrrggghhh." was all Gibbs managed to get out as he nodded at the needle.

"Thank you for your assistance this evening, gentlemen. That will be all." Ducky said and with that he ushered the baffled EMTs out the door. Tony was now leaning against the wall, sweat pouring from him and near to hyperventilating. He had just realized how close he had come to truly pulling his service weapon. Ducky placed a comforting hand on Tony's arm, looked at Gibbs and asked "_Now_ what am I to do with you?" Neither Gibbs nor Tony knew to whom the question was, in fact, directed.

Gibbs was still in the chair doubled over, arms crossed across his stomach, rocking and moaning with pain. There was not much to be done at this point as they waited for the painkiller Ducky had given Gibbs to kick in. After what seemed like almost an hour Tony, who had started suffering sympathy pains and was holding his stomach as well, turned to Ducky.

"Ducky, can't you give him more. That first shot doesn't seem to be working."

"Let's see, Anthony," Ducky looked at his watch. " It's been approximately, oh, four minutes. Let's give it a bit more time, shall. We wouldn't want to over due it now, would we? I recall a time not long after I'd arrive in the United States. . ."

"HEAD!" Gibbs gasped. He struggled but managed to get himself up out of the chair, though still doubled over. Tony was instantly by his side and helped him to the bathroom. Gibbs pushed Tony back as he entered close the door. Tony stood by the door not wanting to hear the retching but listening for the sound of a body dropping to the floor. Tony was also still slightly hunched himself, arms across his middle and beginning to feel a little ill.

"Come away from there, Tony. The medication is starting to take effect. I wager he'll be out in moment. What we have to do now is get him to drink lots of water and only water, to try and flush the stone. No beer, no bourbon and certainly no coffee. I can only give him enough morphine to dull the pain for now. Once he starts to pass the stone, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"Has this happened before?"

"Oh, yes. Jethro's had kidney stones on several occasions. I remember one time, he was with this young lady. . ."

"Hey, Tony!" Gibbs called. He was standing in the bathroom doorway. "Little help here." he said waving Tony to him. Tony jumped up and took one of Gibbs' arms over his shoulder and helped him to the sofa. He was flushed, breathing a little irregularly and perspiring but his posture indicated that the pain was starting to ease a little. Tony shove a glass of water in his hand. He drank a fair bit and waited to see if it would up set his stomach. When he was satisfied that the water would stay down, he emptied the glass. Just as he did so, Ducky placed another full one on the table.

An hour or so later, he tried to answer nature's call. He hardly needed Tony's help but Tony hovered. Once in the bathroom, Gibbs was not able to get much of a response so he returned to the sofa for more water. And so went the next few hours. Tony's sympathy pains had eased as Ducky's pain medication took effect on Gibbs. Still, Tony looked almost as haggard as Gibbs. Finally, near the end of the third hour, and unfortunately as the pain medication was wearing out, Gibbs passed the stone. Tony was quite certain the epithets he heard issue from the bathroom would have made other Marines blush. Like Ralphie Parker's father from _A Christmas Story, _Gibbs [. . .wove a tapestry of obscenities that was still hovering over the DC area]. Then there was silence.

"Gibbs?" Tony called quietly. "You need some help?" He was about to try the door when he heard the toilet flush, then the tap came on. After a few moments, Gibbs opened the door, shakily brushed past Tony and staggered down the hall to the bedroom and collapsed onto his bed. Tony followed him as far as the bedroom doorway casting a look over his shoulder at Ducky who merely shrugged.

"Uh, Gibbs? Do you need me to do anything?"

"Go home." Gibbs said into the bedspread.

Tony returned to the living room to see Ducky rummaging in the kitchen. He joined the doctor there.

"What are you up to?" Tony asked.

"Check the cabinets higher up for me, will you, Tony. I'm looking for a prescription bottle." They continued rummaging through Gibbs kitchen until Tony heard Ducky give a small jubilant "A-ha!" He saw Ducky holding a large and typical brown plastic prescription medicine bottle. Ducky opened it and poured out several medium sized orange pills. He threw them away and placed the bottle on the counter. As Ducky went to retrieve his jacket from the living room, Tony picked up the bottle and read it. Other than Gibbs name and the instructions which read "Take one tablet 4 times a day with a large glass of water. Do not combine with alcohol." there was no information. No hospital, doctor or pharmacy was indicated on the bottle.

"Ducky, where'd he get this. There's no doctor's name, no pharmacy, no. . ."

"Shhhh, Tony! Help me with these." He handed Tony several boxes of orange Tic-Tacs. They opened the breath candies and poured them into the prescription. "It works for awhile until he forgets how bad the pain was then he conveniently forgets to tell me he's run out." Tony looked at Ducky in total confusion. "It's the only way to get him to drink any water and it may even cut down on the amount of bourbon but I'm not sure about that."

Tony stopped by Saturday mid-morning to see how Gibbs was doing. He found him pretty much where he and Ducky had left him, fully clothed lying on top of the bedspread. Before waking Gibbs, Tony wanted to have a peace offering ready. He made some toast and poured a glass of juice then steeled himself and went in to wake Gibbs. However, Gibbs was gone. Then Tony heard the toilet flush and the tap come on. He waited in the bedroom. Gibbs shuffled back into the bedroom grabbing the toast and juice as he passed. He took a bite of the toast and downed the juice in one, the stripped down to his t-shirt and skivvies and crawled under his blankets.

"Go home." was all he said.

Late Sunday afternoon, from down in his basement, Gibbs heard someone enter his house. He was going to thrash DiNozzo for being such a gd motherhen. Still not quite a hundred percent, Gibbs didn't not stomp up the stairs with quite the authority he wanted but he was about to make up for when he reached the top and chewed DiNozzo a new one. He threw open the basement door and was about to yell.

"GibbsGibbsGibbsGibbs! OH, thank God. You're alive." she ran to him and grabbed him in a bear hug. "Tony told me how you almost died or how you maybe wanted to almost died. Actually, he said seeing you in so much pain was killing him so really maybe he was the one who almost wanted to die. But thank God, you're all right! You are all right, right?"

"I'll be fine, Abs" he said, peeling her off of him.

"OK, so I figured you weren't gonna be up for doing anything real domestic for a while so I made some stuff for you. Just some casseroles and some salads and stuff. The salads you should eat first because they won't last as long. Here, you can have this tonight for dinner. It's kidney bean salad."


End file.
